Where is the hickey?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
