You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
