So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
