Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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