the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
