Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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