I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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