Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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