pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
