I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
