I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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