He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
