Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
