there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
