That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
