The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
