He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
