I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
