just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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