It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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