trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
