Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize