he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
