Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have tasted many bathrooms
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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