I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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