My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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