My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
