Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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