I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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