I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
A bitchslap is in order.
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