wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
