He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is wine microwaveable?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
