it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He passed out mid-signature
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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