i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
