dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
