can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
