Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
