Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
