I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
