and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
