so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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