found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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