TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
