This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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