am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
