Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
