I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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