What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
