At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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