I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
