I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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