My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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