so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
