I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
