At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
