He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
