I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
