Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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