how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
