I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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