Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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