Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
