i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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