We won't sleep together?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
