Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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