I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
