You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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