so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
