Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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