A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
