It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
