did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
