Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
