I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
