You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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