So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
