I'm lost and stupid without you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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