: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
