who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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