it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
