Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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