her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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