U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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