I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
