He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
